The JUNIORS

DYLAN'S STAND UP COMEDY PAGE

 

As you know, Dylan loves to make people laugh, so we caught him at one of his stand-up sessions at Schwik Comedy Club in Tampa. Let's listen in as he does his thing. He's just walked up to the mike and the audience's applause is fading, except for one person who continues to clap...

 

Thanks, thanks for coming by. Ok Mom, that's enough, you can stop clapping now. I'm Dylan Daniels, yes that Dylan Daniels. You know, it's almost like a curse. No matter where I go, people know who I am, son of Dylan Daniels the millionaire, Dylan the rich kid, Dylan from the Juniors. Just once I'd like people to know me for who I am... uh, and once I figure out what that is, I'll let you guys know.
People are always pointing the finger you know - Little Dylan has no clue how the real kids live, he's had a silver spoon all his life. First off I'd like to clear that mistake right now, my baby spoon was made of gold, and had diamond flakes on it. Ha, I showed them , huh?

Being in the Juniors is kind of fun, Christine takes some getting used to though. I mean she takes this leadership role way too seriously - at our last meeting, she called the meeting to order, brought out her gavel and was banging it on the table to get Derik's attention. He ignored her and she threw the gavel across the room and broke a window,  I tell you that's the last time they'll let us in at Cici's Pizza.

Derik of course is a trip. The guy is 'on' all the time. We made him join the track team just so he could let loose some of that energy. He tried out for the baseball team, but one day on the field, the coach told him to run home... and he ran to his house!

Marion's low key. She loves to laugh though, one day before winter break, I told a joke at the table at lunch, she laughed so hard she spit milk out of her nose. It went all over everyone's plates - talk about a White Christmas... come to think of it, it was chocolate milk, it looked more like.. well, never mind.

Derik was practicing his sax in my room one day and Butterworth stormed in, he was suffering from a terrible headache - and totally unlike him - he screamed at Derik and told him to take his sax and go play outside. I turned to Derik and told him "Geez man, you really blew it this time! Get it? He blew it.. blew the saxophone! That's a music joke, come on get with it folks.

Did you guys hear about the time we were on a plane to Puerto Rico and Christine saw a guy with some contraption sticking out of his bag? Of course we all thought the worse and she walks over to him and just calmly says "Hijack?". He turns to her and says "No, Jack is my brother, my name is Joe, may I help you?"
They tell me that when I was little, the first sign I ever drew was the dollar sign, Derik's Dad told me Derik drew the Ford sign when he was a year old. When Christine was born, she came out angry and screaming, I can only wonder what sign she gave the doctor!

Speaking of signs, Butterworth is in back telling me it's time to go, but I'll leave you guys with this little story:

Me, Derik and Marion are stuck on a desert island out in Tampa Bay and a bottle comes up with a genie in it. He comes out and says I will grant each of you one wish each. Derik says "I wish I was back home with my family and we had a fleet of new cars lined up the street, and I had a brand new Alto Saxophone on my bed waiting for me." POOF, Derik's gone. Then Marion says, "I wish I was back home, I had another horse, a brand new laptop with everythign on it, and Mom was baking a fresh cherry pie in the oven." POOF Marion's gone. The genie turns to me, "Well what about you, Master?" I sat back on the grass hammock and said "Wait, let me think awile." A week later the genie is still waiting. "Well?" I'm sitting there sipping my coconut milk and I say, "Wait give me a couple more weeks." A month later, he's aggravated, "Master can you tell me your wish!?" So I stood up , scratching my head, "You know, it's pretty lonely here on this island, I sure wish Marion and Derik were back." POOF!
Thank you folks, you've been great!